An Alabama Hat (Poem)

Here is a poem I wrote after meeting a man on the disability shuttle who found, then gave me, "An Alabama Hat." 

An Alabama Hat

While on a long ride home on the disability shuttle,

My friend and I picked up a man from the hospital.

Now there were 3 of us riding home.

We were talking and then,

I heard  our  companion sing that song,

You know the one.

The karaoke champion with the reference to Muscle Shoals, Wallis and Young,

But, it wasn't obvious why that song was on his mind.

We went  here and there like the shuttle does,

and Dropped off my friend.

then it was just  me and the hospital fella.

We started talking about  something or other,

He inquired about my southern accent,

It happens a lot,

Still Alabama thick after all these years.

I thought our conversation was through.

"Hey, here, you should have this," he said.

"Huh?"  I replied, not seeing his hand out or what was in it.  

"It's an Alabama hat," explained the man.

"Here take it," he insisted.

I took the hat with my confused fingers,

Fumbling it a little on the hand off.

"Heck, I have plenty of these," I replied. 

For real, please, Keep the hat, I'm good.

Take it back, I feel you should."

He took it back.

Begrudgingly, I could tell.

Some uncomfortable silence passed.

Then he shared from whence the hat had come.

The Alabama hat was found  on the bus stop bench,

while waiting for the shuttle,

after he was treated at the hospital for a nasty blood infection.  

This coincidence didn't seem that subtle.

So, I took the hat back.

"Hey, I didn't know.

Thanks for the hat." I replied.

"yeah," he muttered,  

He wanted me to have it, it was meant to be.

By a higher power, he seem to justify.

Perhaps he thought the ride was sanctified.

"Things will work out after all," he may have mused.

Because I took his Alabama hat,

Home sweet home with me.

Truly, I won't' wear it.  

it's a bit musty.

Left on a bus stop bench at the hospital after all.

It hangs  in my shed,

A place where it can feel the breeze,

to remind me of my Alabama memories.

                

"There's no Such thing as a Free Lunch Kid!"

      Recently, I joined a “Buy Nothing” group on Facebook. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of these groups they are based on the idea that your neighbors have most things you need, all you have to do is “ask”. On the flip side, you have most things your neighbors need, so you can offer up stuff to “gift”. To date, I’ve had to buy stuff, but it was nice to gift the linoleum scrap and pieces of sheet rock that were sitting in my shed. It turns out the group can provide some entertainment too. I did some gifting on Friday that threw me for a loop, and is still giving me a laugh when I think of it.

     We wanted to get rid of our freezer in the shed that uses too much electricity, but there were two frozen chickens in it we just couldn’t throw away. No friends came to mind that we could give them to, so I  posted on the “Buy Nothing” group a “Gift” of the two ill fated birds. It only took about five minutes for two of my fellow South Tacomans to comment “please consider”. I went out to the shed to get the two cadavers, and surprisingly found two more in the bottom of the freezer, and posted those up. They were claimed just as quickly, with a neighbor wanting two of them. One nice person came to get one of the frozen fowls Thursday night, and the other two people wanted to come Friday morning. Sure enough, around 9:45 pm, a friendly carnivore texted me that they were coming over to get the poor poultry. I texted back the universal “K” to signal come on over. She assured me they were just right around the corner, so I went to the freezer and put two of the frozen lumps of bone and flesh in a reusable shopping bag and placed them by the front door. I grabbed two because I wasn’t sure if this person wanted one or two of the remaining corpses.

     About ten minutes later the door bell rang and I went to the door and opened it.

“Hi, are you Nancy here for the chicken”, I said, like it would be anyone else.

“Yes, I’m here to get one.” She replied.

     I confirmed she wasn’t the person who wanted two of the bloody birds and reached down and grabbed one of the frozen five pound dead beasts out of the bag. The lady was standing about three feet from the door. I opened the security door, and with my left hand stretched out to pass it to her. Well, there was just one problem with my seemingly innocent plan. I mean after all what could go wrong? I’m just passing off a frozen bird that had been locked in a cage for a couple months, fattened up, had its head cut off, gutted and precisely defeathured. Like I said, this is a happy story, what could go wrong? No one is going to get hurt, if you don’t count the dead bird of course.

    To my shock, the kid (I heard make a slight peep earlier) face was in between his mother and me. As I reached out with my left hand to pass over the block of bird, BOOM right in the child’s face. I hit the kid in the nose, blood everywhere. He was crying and screaming.

“The mean man hit me in the face with the chicken leg, Momma!” He cried.

     Channeling my internal Smokey from Friday, I retorted,

 “Daaaaaaaamn, kid you got knocked the fuck out!”

     Just kidding! The five pound bird wacked the kid right in the kisser, but there was thankfully no blood.

“Oh no”, I said quickly, “I’m blind, I’m so sorry!”

     The aggrieved tike didn’t make too much noise, so I knew I hadn’t hurt him too badly, but I was still terrified. I had just hit a kid in the face with a dead animal that was at least as hard as a bowling ball. The mom seemed a little stunned, but just muttered something like “ok”, as I said a couple more times “I’m so sorry, I’m blind”. I would tell you the look on her face, but you know…

     Then I addressed the kid.

“You came over to get a chicken, and got hit in the face. Sorry about that.”  

     The kid was still not crying, so I started feeling a little relief from my panic. The mom started explaining to the kid the bird was frozen that’s why it was so hard.

I said, “My bad!” again, and started shutting the door.

     Their truck started up, good thing the dad didn’t notice I hit his kid in the face with a dead bird, and they walked down the steps and left. I shut the door and just shook my head: “Blind Guy Doing Stuff”

     I was thinking about this all through the rest of the day. What could I have done to avoid this situation? I really couldn’t come up with anything. I don’t really want to tell every person that comes to my door about my exceptionality. I’ve thought of wearing a hat that says “I’m Blind”, but that’s too much. In this case I did come up with something, but it won’t help me too much in the future. I was so caught off guard by the whole thing; my inner smart ass failed me. I should have said to the kid and mom. “This just goes to show you kid, there’s no such thing as a free lunch!” Oh well, maybe next time I’ll remember this line when I hit a kid in the face with a frozen poultry product.

Three Blind Guys go to Portland to Meet Hip Hop Royalty

     In March 2018,, two blind friends and I took a trip to Portland to attend the Old School Throw Back Jam. The Old School Throw Back Jam was held in Portland at the MotaCenter arena, and featured artists like Newcleus, JJ Fad, 69 Boyz, Tag Team, Taylor Dayne, Lisa Lisa, Stevie B and Expose. It wasn’t just any trip though; I was going down to see Newcleus, one of the headline groups and  an Electro and Hip Hop legend. Newcleus front man Cozmo D and I have known each other online for twelve, or so, years via us both playing on Global Funk Radio. He used to tune in when I first started playing on GFR in 2005, which was awesome, and later took the slot I played when I stepped away from live shows for a bit in 2009. I’ve spent many Saturday afternoons chatting with Cozmo and his wife Lady E in the GFR chat, listening in amazement to their son DJ Dogtrane, who is one of the best DJs I’ve heard on the turntables.  Later in the show I’d talk Steely Dan and Santana with Coz during his part of the show, where he shares his taste in Jazz, Funk, Disco, House  and International music with the world. Over the years, I’ve asked a couple times “Hey Coz, you guys coming up to Seattle?” The answer was always “No, but we’d love to, if we ever get invited.” The invitation finally came, and Coz told me in the GFR chat back in January about the show in Portland. It wasn’t Seattle, but close enough. I knew right away I would have to find a way to make the three hour trip down to Portland to see one of my favorite artists and GFR crew members.

     I started right away researching the best way to travel to Portland. Since my blind friends and I can’t drive, it wasn’t hard to figure out what we’d do, take the Amtrak train down. Due to a crash in December, in which the Amtrak derailed and killed several people, it wouldn’t be on the fast new Seattle to Portland line. None the less, at least we had the option to take a train. In many parts of the country there still is no way to travel from city to city, unless you have a car, leaving many blind people stranded like a lucky penny on the floor at a blind convention.   The train tickets, after the disability discount, came out to a little under $150, and were sent post haste to my Gmail inbox. I was impressed with the customer service at Amtrak and I have to say, they had the best voice activated customer service line I’ve ever experienced. My friend Jake used some of his hotel rewards to get a very reasonable room at a Days Inn just outside of Portland and we were all set for the trip. Well, almost set, we had to wait over a month for the day to arrive.

     The day of the excursion, after I double checked my luggage: “Vegan travel food, check; cannabis, check; tickets, check; cannabis check. I took the disability shuttle down to the Amtrak station in Tacoma to wait on our train south. The attendant behind the bullet proof glass was very helpful and redeemed my e-tickets for the real thing. He assured me he would help us to our seats when the train arrived, and I turned around and tapped my way to a seat. The lobby was empty for a bit, until an excited mother-daughter pair showed up, chattily talking about their upcoming trip to Portland. Shortly after, as the lobby filled up with travelers, my friends arrived and we tagged our bags for TSA, why I don’t know, no one ever checked what we were carrying. The lobby filled up, the train pulled in, and it was time to board. The attendant came over and offered to help us to our seats. It was a good time for my friends and I to practice our leading techniques we’d use later in the night. Using claps, clicks, whoops, and whistles, we helped lead each other forward and up the steps to the train.  We were seated on the Portland car, stowed our bags, and got comfortable to head south to see Newcleus.

     Newcleus is an Electro/Hip – Hop group whose origins go back to the late 70’s. One of Brooklyn’s pioneering crews, Jam On Productions later took the name Newcleus and they released their first single “Jam on Revenge, The Wiki Wikki Song” in 1983. The follow-up release, “Jam on It”, hit the bill board charts in 1984 and stayed there for a long fifteen weeks. Their Electro classic “Computer Age”, released that same summer, hit the R and B charts and cemented Newcleus as an Electrified Hip Hop staple. Their next release “Destination Earth”, my favorite, came out in 1995 and spotlights Newcleus’s diversity in the studio. Coz’s vocals, with long keyboard solos on many of the tracks like “Destination Earth”, “Automan” and “Computer Age Push the Button”, fill the release with soulful electricity that is seldom matched in music. Today, Newcleus is still touring, as is Cozmo’s side project Dream to Science, and you can hear the Jam on Production Crew on Global Funk Radio most Saturday’s. Check your local listings.

     We arrived in Portland on that brisk Friday afternoon ready to see what the Rose City had to offer three blind guys. After we debarked from the train, a speedy golf cart raced us around to the front of the station where we rubbed a lamp shaped like an I-phone and summoned an Uber GENIE . We waited for a while for the red Mercedes before texting to see where the driver was. “Where are you, we’re the blind guys standing here”. Of course the person in the car right next to me, that had been sitting there for a bit already, rolled down her window and said “Right here”. Yeah, blind guys doing stuff, it ain’t always pretty. We hopped in and headed off to the hotel about fifteen minutes away. The driver, named Alisha, gave us a tour as we chatted about what we were doing in Portland, and we educated the driver about how blind people could actually use cell phones; wow, some of us even had jobs, and OMG, Jake even owns his own café and can run a cash register. Despite her lack of knowledge of blind capabilities, she was very nice, and we reached the Days Inn just in time to rush into our rooms to get ready, not before a fussy hotel owner expressed his worry about us being safe in Portland as he showed us to our room. We rushed him out as he insisted he turn on the lights for us, and we got ready to go with the help of some Jose Cuervo and Cheese. I’m a vegan, so not that kind of Cheese, the weed Cheese. I abstained from the Cuervo, but spread the Cheese smoke thick up and out of the fart snatcher in the bathroom as we got ready to go. Thankfully, Alisha waited; we hopped back into the Uber and hurried to the arena.

     It was 6:30 by the time we reached the Mota Center in Portland where the Old School Jam was being held; the show started at 7:00. Once out of the car, I immediately noticed a searing sensation in my ear. A street preacher with a megaphone was excoriating a moving crowd on how we were all going to Hell and asking the J man to come back and save us all etc. etc. “WTF is wrong with these people? No one wants to hear that shit!” We merged into the flow of people and headed to the arena. With the preaching echoing around the concrete and the crowd of people moving in the dim light, it reminded me of some apocalyptic picture depicting the end of the world seen in so many movies and books. “Repent or you are all going to hell” he said. I shouted back during a pause in the nonsense, “Think we’re already there with you here.” And “Yes Jesus, please help us and tell him to stfu.” I refocused and we clicked and clapped and whooped our way down the steps and into the arena. It didn’t take long to notice we weren’t in the Old School Throw Back Jam crowd. Too many old white folks and too much blaring Rock and Roll to be a Hip Hop show. I made my way to the window to pick the tickets up, and sure enough, I discoveredwe were at the hockey game not the OSTJ. A very nice lady put us on the right path and led us over to the other side of the arena where we found our tickets that Coz had called in for us; section A, Row 6 seat 14, 15 and 16. Wow, great seats Coz!  “You the man!”

     We made it to our seats, and I let out a sigh of relief when we sat down. We made it. After talking briefly to the couple next to us, she had been given tickets by one of the singers of Expose, a Freestyle group playing later in the show.  A corporate type guy came out and introduced the lineup. I didn’t know it, but Newcleus was the first group up. The performance was amazing. Cozmo, Lady E and Al T rocked every part. Read my review of the show at Electric Kingdom. They finished up followed by JJ Fad. They only did one song “Super Sonic”, but it was cool to see the Arabian Prince scratching on the tune.  69 Boyz and Tag Team and some other Freestyle groups I’m not remembering played to the intermission. Yeah, the show was so long it had an intermission. The Old School Throw Back Jam didn’t disappoint. But, I was a little disappointed that I may not get to meet Cozmo. We hadn’t arranged how we would actually meet up.

     We sat down to check our texts at the intermission; low and behold, Coz had asked where we were sitting. “Oh wow, he’s going to come out here and meet us!” A couple minutes later he appeared and shouted “Where’s 14, 15, 16.” “Over here Coz”.  I signaled and there he was. Al T and Lady E were there also, and we all met up like old friends. We were making introductions and chatting, when suddenly out of the row, the Expose invite came rushing out. She didn’t push the three blind guys out of the way, but it was close. “I want to get a picture with Newcleus” she said as she pushed forward. Cozmo D being gracious and so nice obliged, but I was kind of like “hold up we were talking.”, but it was all good, no problem pushing some blind people out of the way for your Facebook picture. The pic was picked and the lights when down and Coz was like “I’m out.” “See ya Coz, and “loved the Chilly B rap Al T” were my parting words, and they were off. It was so nice of Cozmo to come out and meet us. He really didn’t have to come out, but he did, and we really enjoyed the moment. In 2018 it’s so nice to meet genuinely kind and generous people, and know there are still some out there. We didn’t get any pics, but meeting Cozmo D and the rest of Newcleus is a memory all three of us will never forget.

     The final three groups, Expose, Lisa Lisa and Stevie B, finished the show strong, and put a Freestyle exclamation point on the night. I’m still singing Stevie B’s song “Spring Love” and Expose really brought it. I can’t get enough of Freestyle. The genre is so unique with its 808 beats laced with heartfelt vocals. It makes me smile every time I hear it. My first introduction to the Freestyle sound came when I heard Planet Patrol’s “Play at Your Own Risk” when I first started DJing in the late 90’s. It still is one of my favorite songs though, and according to 808, the documentary movie, it was the first Freestyle tune ever made. It may or may not fit that description, but it is truly a classic.

     At the end of the show, the attentive security guard who helped us to our seats appeared by our row and helped us out of the arena. We arrived at the curb to wait for our Uber, and thankfully this time we had a drummer busk for us while we waited instead of the nut job street preacher. After about thirty minutes, Alisha and her red Mercedes pulled up to the curb and we hopped in and headed back to the hotel, still immersed in the Freestyle Hip Hop vibe. Back at the Days Inn, it was almost midnight; we hit the hay, the Jose and the "hay", ready to head back home the next day. Besides the emptying of the rest of the bottle of Jose, the next day home was pretty uneventful.  I slept nicely on the train. Upon arriving back in Tacoma, a disability shuttle arrived and took me back home. As I walked up to my front porch, I was pleased and relieved the trip was a success. We didn’t get lost, we made it to the show, we met Newcleus, and most importantly to me--my accident prone self didn’t run into anything. Cozmo said they were going to try and come to Seattle next year, and we can’t wait to see them again, this time maybe a little closer to home.

Newcleus Show Review

Last month I went down to see Newcleus. Here is a review of the show.  I'll be posting up a behind the scenes look of my trip later next month.

https://www.electric-kingdom.net/single-post/2018/04/02/A-Night-To-Remember-Checking-Out-Newcleus-In-Portland-Oregon